apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize