Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
