it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
