then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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