I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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