You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
