Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i permit you to call me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
