If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
