matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
