Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
