she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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