Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
