I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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