what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
