afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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