Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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