so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
