When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
