I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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