Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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