If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
