Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
