he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize