we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize