Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
