But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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