hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
