Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
