Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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