gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
