John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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