I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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