The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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