Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
