Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
