OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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