So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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