So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
