I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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