dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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