My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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