do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
