I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
