Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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