Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize