I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
