wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
