The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
