I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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