i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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