I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
