FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
