mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
