You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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