I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
