There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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