fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
