im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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