Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
