the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i think i just lost a toe
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He shit in the fireplace
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
