So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
