dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
