:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize