I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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