It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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