never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
