I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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