I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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