dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
