My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
