It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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