The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
