Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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