Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
