Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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